A big part of the motivation for this return trip was the elusive goal of closure, a term I’ve always sort of hated and considered trite. I can already feel it coming in many respects. I have retraced so many steps of places I used to frequent and while they still look good and it’s nice to be there, I don’t feel any huge sense of missing out and I can see how life has moved on quite nicely with out me. I no longer fully have a place at the table here and there is value in experiencing that and letting it really sink in.
And yet, the “closure” will not really come because it just the opposite with the band. It really was as good as I thought. It was not a figment of my imagination. I still have a home there. I fit right in. It fulfills me in a different way than anything else quite has, I may have “closure” in most respects at the end of this trip but I am only going to miss the band more. No two ways around that.
I am of now for our second gig today and fifth in three days… at Jianghu Jiuba, my favorite little downtown bar. It is tiring but fun and after today I have two days without too much on the docket.
On Tuesday I am flying to Wuxi, near shanghai to see dong, my old chinese teacher who became a monk and has now left the monkhood. The next day we go to Shenzhen for two gigs. I will keep the updates coming. Still have not figured out how to post any video with Youtube down.